How easy is it to set an intention for your practice? Find strength and flexibility; develop appreciation; be present; find inner peace; don’t categorise yourself, love everyone. An intention is different from a goal. A goal is achieved or it isn’t. An intention has the aim of improvement. My intention: I need to be better at the relationship stuff……
I love Ashtanga Yoga and everything related to it. It equates to my daily life, personality and my pitta dosha. I love structure, operations, discipline, knowing what comes next, familiarity, challenge, longevity, sustainability, labels. Ultimately, Ashtanga Yoga has always suited me as I like everything to be ‘just so.’ Anyone close to me will know me and my ‘just so-ness’ and how difficult I can be with spontaneity and not knowing what comes next or deviating from the plan; my need for control, the desire to manage. Right or wrong, no in-between. We’re long term or we’re nothing. My way, or the highway, jog on!!!
I don’t need or want to be like this anymore.
When I started practicing Vinyasa Flow, it was challenging but it was what I needed. I had set the intention of losing frame and structure, the need for familiarity, the need to know what comes next, the labels. I have developed a keen sense of awareness as to what I need to do to my body to get into postures that had never featured in my Ashtanga Yoga practice, postures and shapes that had no names or labels. I was out of my comfort zone.
Just as I have let go of that set sequence of postures, I am doing my best to let go of routine and structure. I try to be more spontaneous, I eat lunch late and skip breakfast, I work when I choose to and rest when I feel like it. I try to live life intuitively rather than to schedule. Sometimes, I practice in the afternoon, there’s a thing. It doesn’t matter to me if I am working or not; teaching or practicing; vegie, vegan or eating fish/meat. Julia Gavin Yoga or Kranti Yoga; Nicaragua or Goa; east or west. There are less labels for sure. That’s pretty yogi, right? So why do I need to put a label on my relationship status or the person I am with. Why do I still need to do that?
I am still miles away from being where I want to be. I have made significant progress with spontaneity but I am still far from the free spirit that I would like to be, contrary to being perceived as the freest of spirits. I think it’s affecting my relationships.
A beautiful, yet far from perfect, relationship has just come to an end (for now!) I am living with the regret that I tried to label and define it, we both did. We both tried to put labels and boundaries on each other that weren’t necessary, ironically against the ethos of what we both believe in. I looked too far into the future instead of enjoying the here and now. He put labels on it that weren’t agreeable to me and I tried to do the same to him. Fundamentally, we wanted the same things out of it: no commitment to a ‘regular’ relationship, being in the moment, having time together when it suited us both, enjoying that unquestionable chemistry. Had we not have had those conversations about commitment, the future and trying to define ‘us,’ I believe that we could have continued, even from opposite sides of the globe, knowing that it was never going to be forever. It was not like I was going to move in with him…I’m a free spirit, I live out of a bag and I don’t do winters.
What happened to my intention in this area of my life? Why did we try to label each other? It was what it was yet we made it so difficult. We ended it pretty poorly.
So, it’s possibly done and all I can do is learn, let go and move on. I don’t aspire to have a relationship that is fuelled by future plans and labels, but that is how it seemed. I just want to flow in the company of someone who ignites a special chemistry and see what it flows into. Maybe 2019 will provide the opportunity and maybe it won’t. It won’t matter as I will not label it as ‘mattering.’
So, as I flow into 2019, regarding relationship stuff, my mantra is this:
What will be will be and it doesn’t matter what it is called and how long it is going to last. It doesn’t matter whether we are friends or more than friends. Just accept who is close and appreciate what they bring for however long that may be, at whatever distance.
Love and light to everyone out there, I hope this resonates with some you and I am not alone here!! Yes, I have opted for an alternative lifestyle and there are pros and cons, in general it is great but I need to stick to my intention, aim for improvement, especially where relationships are concerned.
Have a great year and I hope paths cross soon.
Upcoming dates for 2019
5th January: 200 hrs YTTC in Vinyasa Flow and Ashtanga Yoga, Nicaragua
3rd February: 300 hrs YTTC in Vinyasa Flow, Ashtanga Yoga and Yin, Goa
5th March: 300 hrs YTTC in Vinyasa Flow, Ashtanga Yoga and Yin, Goa
4th April: 300 hrs YTTC in Vinyasa Flow, Ashtanga Yoga and Yin, Goa
8th June: 200 hrs YTTC in Vinyasa Flow and Ashtanga Yoga, Nicaragua
November: 200 hrs YTTC in Vinyasa Flow and Ashtanga Yoga, Nicaragua